Childhood Anxiety and the Art of Worry Monsters

By Katie Gorham, Ph.D. NCSP

October 8, 2020

Childhood anxiety in a nutshell. While it may seem as if children have little to worry about, the truth is many kiddos struggle with anxiety. Anxiety is in fact the most common mental health disorder in children and teens and we'll likely see an even greater surge of anxiety related disorders as children are faced with the ongoing uncertainty of life during a pandemic (such a big concept for little minds!). The pandemic aside, you may be wondering what exactly children have to worry about that causes them to become so anxious?

Well, it turns out children develop anxiety over some of the very things adults do, such as the fear of making mistakes, being judged by others, bad things happening (particularly to caregivers), getting sick, “catching germs” or dying, rejection from peers, how they’ll perform on tests/homework, how they’ll perform in sports, and the list goes on.

Maybe you've noticed your child complains of frequent stomach aches, they're having difficulty sleeping, they are not as hungry or are more hungry than normal, or they're more irritable than normal. Perhaps they’ve started to perform unusual rituals (such as repeating a word or phrase, doing things in a certain order, tapping an object a certain number of times), they're all of a sudden super fidgety, they are frequently seeking reassurance or checking and rechecking information, they ask a lot of worry questions (the "what ifs") or are fearful to be alone and cling to you more than usual… If so, it may mean your child is struggling with anxiety.

So what do you do?

Often our first instinct is to want to talk it out with our kids.  We want to know what they are feeling and why so we can help them resolve “the problem” and move on. Unfortunately, because of their age, one of the most challenging things about childhood anxiety is that children often don't have the words yet to express how they're feeling or why they feel the way they do. If your child doesn’t have the words for it, asking them questions they don't have the answers to can lead to a lot of frustration and acting out behaviors. This can then create a cycle of frustration between the parent and child that oftentimes results in the child being punished for something they don’t understand and have no control over.  If you can relate or have found yourself in a similar loop with your child in the past, you might be asking, “what can I do differently in the future?”  Cue the worry monster...

The art of the worry monster.

If you notice that your child might be struggling with anxiety (or any big emotion for that matter), try your best to refrain from jumping into a full on discussion and instead engage them in a coloring activity. Set the mood for calm by turning off the television, putting away the iPad, silencing your phone, and perhaps turning on some calming or enjoyable background music and ask your child to draw their "worry monster."  You can say something as simple as "a lot of people have worry monsters that make us feel sad or scared sometimes, let's draw what our worry monsters look like." If you are feeling extra crafty, you can turn the drawing into a whole art activity and offer pipe cleaners, pom poms, popsicle sticks, googly eyes, whatever you have on hand - feel free to get creative with it.

Creating a worry monster is a wonderful way to bring an otherwise indescribable feeling to life for our little ones. When a feeling becomes a tangible thing, it suddenly becomes much easier to talk about. It also makes it much easier for your child to practice looking their worry monster in the eye and telling it to "go away!" when it starts to make them feel icky. Have your child describe their worry monster as they're drawing or creating it and ask them what their worry monster talks to them about.  Lastly, have your child name their worry monster.

By giving this icky feeling a face and a name, you've opened the door for your child to have a dialogue about how they are feeling in a way that makes sense to them. It also provides you a straightforward way to gauge how they are feeling by asking if "Roger the worry monster" is acting up again when you notice their behavior or mood is a little off. For some children, it is also useful to create “friendly monsters” who can help them feel safe and comforted when their worry monster comes out of his house and makes them feel sad or scared. 

A quick note about teenagers:

this activity can also be done with pre-teens and teenagers, but the language will need to be modified to match their developmental level (e.g., anxiety monster, anxiety creature, etc.). You might be surprised by how descriptive your otherwise closed-off teen can be about how their anxiety affects them once they're able to draw out what it looks like on paper.

If your child or teen is experiencing excessive worries or you suspect they are struggling with anxiety, know that the therapists at Formative Psychological Services (FPS) are here to help. We are currently doing teletherapy and have office locations in Ravenswood, the Loop, and Northbrook.  Please contact us by phone at (872) 241-9337 or email at info@fpschicago.com.